It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
