She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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