I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
