I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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