last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
