just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
