I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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