how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
