You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
