oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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