I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
