PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
