I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
