I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
