I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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