so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
