At least make sure they are 18
Why
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
