Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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