it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
