the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
