i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
