Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The adults are the big ones right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
