have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
