im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
