My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
