I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
