i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What a dumb baby whore.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
