I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
