If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
