My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
