Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
