Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
