Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
