i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
