the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
