there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We had to coat check the pizza.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
