I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
