So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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