He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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