i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
