Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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