Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
