I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
