The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
