it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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