apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
