Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
