I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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