I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I only lived at night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
