And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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