Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
